Almost!

GOP senators and talk-show hosts today high-fived each other today for a ‘close one’ after an attempted terrorist bomb attack fizzled in New York’s Times Square.

The blast, had it occurred, would have propelled the minority party toward certain electoral triumph in November.

‘Obama got lucky’, said Texas senator John Cornyn [above] referring to the attempting bombing of the famous entertainment district that would have injured or killed dozens of civilians. ‘But we only have to be lucky once, and then it’s sweet revenge at the voting booth’.

Republicans have long understood that their relentless appeal to fear of a repeat of 9/11 brings them political rewards. While acknowledging that their Democratic adversaries are respectable and patriotic citizens, GOP National Committee chairman Michael Steele reminded Americans that the ‘tree-hugging, pantywaist, Miranda-worshipping, homo appeasers’ are unwilling and incapable of defending the nation and protecting their own wives and daughters from rapists.

Despite the narrow loss of a violent terrorist incident that would have turned the country from its dangerously weak-kneed course, there was a bright side as Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman introduced a bill to require the torture of all arrested terrorist subjects before any questioning by police detectives.

‘It just isn’t right that these guys can escape punishment by merely relating all the details of their terrorist training and preparations to FBI interrogators’, said Lieberman, ‘thereby depriving us of the chance to kick their balls in’.

Lieberman also called for President Obama to dump Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano, who blocked the potentially game-changing terrorist act. Lieberman suggested Israeli Foreign Minister Avigdor Lieberman (no relation) as a possible replacement.

Republicans will regroup at a weekend retreat to discuss how to respond to the temporary setback to their grand strategy. ‘It’s disappointing to have come so close’, said a high-ranking former Bush Administration official reached by cell phone while on a hunting excursion, who agreed to speak without attribution. ‘But the conditions are in place for a successful event that will remind Americans who truly understands the terrorist enemy’.

[Disclaimer for the especially thick: You have just read a satire.]