Experts say repeated exposure to contradictory, abusive, or
crazy behavior, especially when one is unable to resist or withdraw, leads to
trauma and that the imprint of trauma on the psyche then interferes with
healthy functioning. Children experiencing extremes of hostile, hurtful, or
simply negligent actions by caregivers may compensate by escaping mentally from
the situation and are prime candidates for addiction as adults.
My dear, late friend Miguel had exactly this life trajectory.
His overburdened and detached parents were unaware that he was being sexualized
at age 9 by an older teen; he described to me how he learned to leave his body
and in his 20s developed both a cocaine addiction and unusual psychic
abilities.
The metaphor for our collective experience as Americans over the
last four years writes itself. Week after week, month after month, we were
relentlessly assaulted with ever-escalating doses of madness and gaslighting.
The source, himself permanently intoxicated with the trappings of faux
adulation that accompany power, rewrote the script of our tentatively shared
reality in such staccato bursts that we could scarcely digest one irrational
claim when a dozen more came raining down on us out of the Twittersphere. The
effect was the same as that perfected by the CIA in its far-flung empire of
dungeons: disassociation and learned helplessness. Some of us self-medicated
with news fixations, substances, Russiagate fantasies, or blogposts.
As adults, we could at least step back and apply our analytical
tools, see what was happening to us, consult our peers for grounding and
reorientation. Yet, the effort involved in the constant struggle to remain
standing during this never-ending turdstorm sapped our energies and imbued our
cells with stress hormones. Now we know what it’s like to live as an abused
minority, fearing for our children and constantly pouring our psychic resources
into staying sane and not flying off the handle. When we failed out of
exhaustion, we could do no better than to float our beleaguered social souls
upward and away from the body politic to a magical inner realm where people
behave humanely and resentment and rancor do not rule. Our collective
dissociation, while providing needed relief, came at a cost.
Miguel wandered very young into a new life in Argentina and
found a boyfriend who introduced him to injection drug use. He relates that
when he came back from the doctor with a positive HIV diagnosis, his first
thought was, “At least now Charlie cannot leave me.” Nonetheless, Charlie did.
One effect of Miguel’s traumatic life was his ability to pay extra-corporeal
visits to anyone he was thinking about. I once heard him relate an entire conversation
that had taken place between an ex of his and the ex’s new lover across town,
later confirmed in its details. He didn’t develop this ability further nor make
anything of it.
Miguel never lamented his fate nor wasted his short time on
blaming anyone, including the injecting “friend” who had failed to inform him
of his own HIV-positive status before sharing a syringe. In our brief
friendship, I only once, late in his illness, heard him say something that
hinted that he wished things had turned out differently: “I’m so young!”
The body politic is damaged by what it has been put through. Nonetheless,
it has acquired uncanny perceptivities of its own, perhaps not including astral
travel but certainly a sharper eye for the aural presentations of public figures.
It’s no accident that Bernie’s mittens are attracting nearly as much attention
as Biden’s entire 100-days program. Bernie’s now-famous grumpy-uncle photo,
known by some as the Jewish yoga posture “Waiting for the Wife Shopping at
Loehmann’s,” aptly reflects our crouching, self-protective national spirit, the
mittens themselves an offhand populist rebuke to the purpled elites on the
elevated platform.
Miguel shook off his cocaine habit though he slipped into
unrecognized alcoholism, which killed him. He was a spiritual giant and died a
hero. The trauma never embittered him, never distracted him from making the
most of his 31 years on earth. He had a vision of better things; everything he
had been through he alchemized into wisdom, compassion, and solidarity.
As we emerge from the chaotic mental landscape left behind by
the raging id that permanently tasered us these last years, we can and should
hold the perpetrators to account. Magnanimity cannot be a cover for impunity.
At the same time, we now have a keener sense of the dangerous forces left to
seethe just below the surface of our social body and cannot pretend that the
millions of people abandoned by the depredations of capitalism have nothing to
do with us or our comfortable lives. Perhaps the new body politic can travel to
a higher plane; after all, we have new, trauma-enhanced powers. The violent
explosion at the Capitol shows us where we are headed if we do not use them to
reset and renew.