Macaca glennbeckus provides proof evolution is real

A half-baboon, half-human organism, long sought by paleo-anthropologist Glenn Beck as the missing link between simians and homo sapiens, was positively identified in the town of Pleasant Plains, Arkansas this week, bringing a vigorous controversy about the validity of Darwin’s theory of evolution to an indisputable close.

Scientists have yet to agree on a name for this entity, which responds to dog whistles and high-pitched clicking sounds vaguely resembling the name ‘Clint McCance, Clint McCance’. Following the usual practice among paleontologists, the creature will probably be dubbed ‘Macaca glennbeckus’.

The discovery has undermined completely any lingering doubts that bipeds and the simian genus are closely linked in an evolutionary chain. Still to resolve, however, is in which direction the evolution is occurring.

Some scientists are convinced that two-legged creatures continue to evolve into increasingly sophisticated social groups and eventually will develop complex colonies and even the basis for a civilization.

Others dispute that theory and point to the Macaca glennbeckus finding as evidence that the entire class of bipedal vertebrates is splitting into increasingly bizarre life forms, none of which will be capable of long-term survival or adaptation.