NRA demands cinemas permit bazooka access

In response to the shocking massacre of movie-viewers in Denver, the National Rifle Association today called for the repeal of laws prohibiting law-abiding citizens from bearing bazookas in cinemas.

‘This terrible attack by a lone psycho is compelling evidence that we need to arm our citizen-militiamen and women with heavier weapons so that they can respond promptly to future threats of movie mayhem,’ said NRA president Wayne LaRue.

LaRue concurred with Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s suggestion that rocket-propelled grenades (RPGs) also be placed on the list of permitted self-defense tools. ‘American movie-goers need to be able to stand their ground and hold off assaults by violent criminals,’ he said. ‘Bazooka-equipped families will dissuade these individuals from threatening residents.’

However, La Rue did not endorse Arpaio’s request for authorization to place surface-to-air missiles inside Phoenix’s 12 multiplexes, saying he believed the likelihood of a helicopter-based terrorist assault on future cinematic premieres was ‘remote’.