The Last Days (previews)

 

Dictated directly from my informants in The Beyond: 

Oct. 1 Both the Biden and Trump camps declare a crushing victory in the Sept. 29 debate. Reporters find voters in Utah, North Carolina, and Texas whose preferences were swayed during the event; two of the three promptly fall back into comas.

Oct. 2 Mitch McConnell shepherds Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett through the Capitol building in an attempt to meet with Democratic senators. A poorly dressed middle-aged woman resembling Chuck Schumer is seen ducking into the pages’ locker room.

Oct. 3 HHS Secretary Alex Azar appoints new communications staff with sweeping powers over all public statements from the CDC, the FDA, the NIH, the Indian Health Service, the Agency for Toxic Substances, and the Administration for Community Living. QAnon websites go dark; searchers are redirected to <www.hhs.gov/Rapture>.

Oct. 4 CDC chief Robert Redfield testifies at a House subcommittee on guidelines for the reopening of daycare centers; next door, an 8-member Supreme Court upholds a South Carolina state law prohibiting childcare by unrelated adults.

Oct. 5 A $1.2 billion no-bid COVID contract comes to light when a convoy of Chinese container ships carrying masks, gowns and plastic shields creates a bottleneck in the Cayman Islands’ territorial waters, headquarters of a logistics firm “owned” by a newsstand vendor in Latvia. Island officials row out to inform the Chinese captains that the purchasing company is actually a post office box.

Oct. 6 Georgia residents receive a mass mailing instructing them to be sure to vote on Nov. 4. Some are puzzled that the election had been changed to a Wednesday.

Oct. 7 Education Secretary Betsy de Ville Vos issues a nationwide New Common Core curriculum for all K-6 students with lessons on “lesser-known Americans,” including Andrew Mellon, Charles Ponzi, and Nathan Bedford Forrest.

Oct. 8 The Ohio legislature passes a law closing all state polling places at 2:30 p.m., except in rural counties “where the farmers need extra time.” The Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia agrees to hear arguments on a motion to halt enactment of the measure.

Oct. 9 Several members of the DC court mysteriously fail to arrive at their chambers. A Proud Bois Instagram account contains an obscure allusion to “study tours” of the Philippine legal system. Maine senator Susan Collins calls the absences “puzzling.”

Oct. 10 GOP-controlled Senate convenes a lightning session to confirm 12 Senior Fellows of the Federalist Society to fill unexpected vacancies on the DC Court of Appeals. A vote is scheduled for the afternoon.

Oct. 11 President Trump announces a breakthrough vaccine that will prevent Coronavirus infection, boost liver enzymes, and cure scabies. All Federal employees will be given the injection “unless they are Deep State saboteurs trying to undermine our brilliant scientists.” Government workers break into the embassy of Azerbaijan and request asylum.

Oct. 12 Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski asks the Federal Judicial Police to open an investigation into the disappearance of appeals court justices but says she will vote to confirm the president’s replacement nominees. “The sanctity of our judicial system must be preserved,” she says.

Oct. 13 Trump orders the Federal Judicial Police to ignore Murkowski’s request. “Some of these guys were so old they probably wandered off.” Open-carry supporters arrive en masse at Murkowski’s office in Anchorage to remind her of their Second Amendment rights.

Oct. 14 Joe Biden comments on the Appeals court disappearances. “I call on my Republican colleagues to do the right thing and help us look for these guys,” he says. “They can’t have gone far.”

Oct. 15 Absentee voters in Iowa receive ballots accidentally saran-wrapped with Trump campaign literature. Officials blame a glitch by an out-of-state vendor. Reporters find the beneficial owner to be the same newsstand vendor in Latvia who ordered 8 million face masks. Helmuts Blovanis says (through an interpreter) “I just signed for a registered letter, and then all these people started calling me. Where is High-owa?”

More urgent messages to follow!