BlueAnon

 

We urban moderns live in a polarized psychic universe peopled on the one hand by reasonable folks, folks like ourselves, plugged into the world of facts and trusting “The Science” while across a bottomless crevasse we contemplate Them, swayed by myriad loony fantasies, concoctions once flogged only by zanies on late-night cable television who, now empowered and licensed by Trump and his cult followers, no longer amuse. Scorn dies in our throats as no imaginable harvest of facts seems to penetrate the dull shields held up by half our fellows who, like Trump himself, never acknowledge error, concede a point, or stop insulting those who dare to disagree. Dialogue, instead of the mucilage holding our social order together in a misshapen lump, becomes onerous, frustrating, even daring.

This is a comforting narrative that with which to lull ourselves back to sleep. It’s also as false a Melania Christmas card. While we sneer at the cray-cray being peddled and eagerly purchased by the mook brigades, our side has its Revealed Truths, its own BlueAnon consisting of the lies that the powerful have designed not only to get rid of Trump but of us as well. Now that we have performed as required on Nov. 3, the incoming crew wants to hear nothing more from or about us until at least 2022.

Here are a few of the myths and legends comprising Liberal Pizzagate:

Russian interference. Reporters and writers routinely refer to the “Russian interference” in the 2016 election as if that has somehow, somewhere, been demonstrated. It hasn’t. The best Robert Mueller could come up with after three years and millions of research dollars with a horde of investigators was a pathetic Russia-based ad agency fishing for clicks on social media with silly, imperceptible memes and other nonsense that couldn’t have swayed a voter with a working pulse. Mueller’s platoon of lawyers found corrupt practices, sleaze, obstruction of justice, and all-round nastiness—how could they not? And they rustled up some charges here and there. But Russian state “interference”? Zip, nada. Nonetheless, BlueAnon enthusiasts obediently repeat this demonstrably false parable. It’s not true, but it relieves us of thinking about why millions of destitute Americans might opt for a reality-show charlatan instead of the usual diet of mainstream pols—sort of like blaming bad behavior on Satan or a conjunction of the wrong planets.

Then again, foreign interference isn’t always considered a bad thing, depending on which foreigners you are thinking of. Far-rightoperatives from Colombia went to work to swing Florida, successfully, into the Trump column. But we’ll never hear much about those loyal allies, nor even a reference to Colombian or perish-the-thought Israeli “interference.”  

Another form of BlueAnon fantasy fulfillment is the routine nod to Putin-sponsored poisonings dating back to the Skirpals (whatever happened to them, by the way?), or the latest incident in Tomsk involving the obscure dissident Alexander Novolny. Putin may well be responsible for bumping off his rivals and, not being a Mossad agent, is roundly criticized here for it. But the holes in the Skirpal story are large enough to fit an entire Amazon warehouse in it, not that the gazillionaire owner of the Washington Post has any interest in doing so. Evil Boris and Natasha tried to knock off Mr Skirpal and his bystander niece because they did, and because Russia and because Putin, and don’t ask us to explain the messy details, which are of no interest to anyone. We don’t need facts because we believe The Science—as interpreted and fed to us by the U.S./U.K. intelligence agencies like medicine for which we obediently open our infant mouths.

Hunter Biden: Trump and his crew are the limit of corruption and self-dealing, OMG, how has the Republic come to this? So let’s not get distracted by obvious KGB disinformation that might suggest an equivalent sleaze farm emitting its noxious ooze on our team’s side, shall we? Obviously, if a rude, crude piece of work like the Javankas are caught lining their pockets, the team set and ready to take over from them must be given the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, where would we be? Without credible leadership of any sort, and then we might have to take action ourselves. Meanwhile, the authenticity of Hunter’s emails outlining how he cashed in on daddy’s name has never been denied—just don’t mention it in polite company, or we’ll get Neera Tanden to shove you into silence. Loyal BlueAnons already have decided that Putin drummed up that whole story, based on zero evidence and a lot of innuendo, kind of like how Fox News decided Obama was born in Kenya.

Poison gas: no, not referring to the steady stream of propaganda about “America’s place in the world” originating in the war-ready incoming team of Bidenites. We refer to real poison gas, like the kind Assad clearly-obviously-unmistakably used against civilians on numerous occasions during the civil war in Syria. Except that those conveniently timed episodes very likely were a fiction engineered by the spook agencies to further the war aims of the U.S. and its jihadist allies who, suddenly, are paragons of virtue when they carry out the empire’s wishes instead of bombing New York. BlueAnons, however, firmly know that chlorine gas and sarin and kryptonite were definitely totally dropped on Syrian civilians, which means the U.S. has to do whatever it has to do, and let’s not discuss it further.

Speaking of what’s not to discuss, absolutely do not breathe a word about the ongoing imprisonment and kangaroo court trial of a reporter who exposed U.S. war crimes and may be put away for life. We BlueAnons defend the Free Press against the horrible not-quite-but-almost-Mussolini Trump who calls reporters “enemies of the people” and would lock up his enemies given half a chance. There is completely no comparison to our disinterest in Julian Assange because he’s creepy, didn’t empty his cat litter box, and isn’t a real journalist because of some explanation or other, who cares? What’s for lunch?

It’s great that we can now get back to smart, decent people in the White House, people who will defend the public interest against the thieving banks, the polluting industries, the planet-endangering fossil fuel companies, the security state, the runaway cops armed to the teeth, and the exploiting landlords threatening to put us all out on the street. And finally, at long last, we can hear solid facts from our esteemed leaders, the ones who know to put The Science first and not peddle us a pack of flimsy lies. BlueAnon forever!